


and i will try

by kay_emm_gee



Series: the kids aren't alright (The 100 tumblr prompts) [46]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4914691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_emm_gee/pseuds/kay_emm_gee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Can you do a fic based on "Fix You" by Coldplay?</p>
<p>Summary: A familiar face arrives in the OR, and though Clarke knows surgeons can't always avoid death, she still feels like this one is one her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i will try

She runs down the hallway, still in her blood-spattered surgery scrubs, and barely makes it into the bathroom before vomiting.

Her hands shake as she clutches the hard edges of the sink, and a cold sweat gathers on her brow. Still smelling the mix of tangy iron and antiseptic, she coughs up more of her empty stomach. The image of the boy’s insides soaked in blood– _they couldn’t find the bleeder, goddamn it, why didn’t they find the bleeder_ –won’t be purged though, so her own insides roll a third time.

The door swings open as Clarke is wiping the spittle from her chapped lips. 

“You said you’d be able to handle it.”

Clarke glares at Anya over her shoulder. “He  _died_.”

“He did. And we knew he probably would. You knew that, or you said you did. It’s the only reason I let you in the OR. So are you handling this, or not?”

Tears well up in Clarke’s eyes, because she did know, but her friends out in the waiting room didn’t. She had lied to them–she lied to Miller, his friend, and she lied to Octavia, who begged her to save the man she loved, and she lied to Bellamy, who looked at her with pleading eyes, to save his sister from heartbreak.

She had promised them that she would save Atom, and she hadn’t. 

“They’re waiting,” Anya says kindly, and Clarke hates her for it, because Anya is never kind. It’s what makes her an excellent mentor, and an excellent surgeon, and she shouldn’t change that just because her intern is being weak. 

She is right, though; her friends are waiting. So Clarke splashes her face with water, strips off her dirty outer layer of scrubs, and pushes past her resident out into the hall. 

When she walks into the waiting room, Octavia sees her first, but all Clarke can see is Bellamy’s face falling, because he knows. His sister doesn’t though, and Clarke has to force the words past her lips, words she knows well by now but wishes she didn’t.

“Octavia, I’m so sorry. We did everything we could, but–”

Octavia’s cry drowns out the rest of it, and then Bellamy’s shoulder drowns out his sister’s sobbing.

Clarke looks blankly at the siblings, at Octavia’s heaving back and Bellamy’s forgiving eyes. Still, she fists her hands and then rubs them on her scrubs, as if blood still remains there. 

She was supposed to save him, and she couldn’t. And that’s on her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on tumblr (kay-emm-gee)!


End file.
